Monday, 12 April 2010

Homeopaths stand up and be counted for World Homeopathy Awareness Week

In case you were not aware, this week is World Homeopathic Awareness Week, a traditional celebration where homeopaths and homeophiles across the world get together to spread the word of the un-ineffectiveness of the incredible medicinal amazery that is homeopathic medicine.  For years, on this week, we have swapped shaking techniques and anecdotal evidence, played traditional homeopathic games such as 'pin the remedy on the donkey' and 'guess the number of molecules of active ingredient in the bottle', planned new ways to extract money from overstretched health services, perfected our compassionate smiles and studied libel law.  When it gets dark we all head for our nearest Grumble Tent to have a moan about healthcare professionals who didn't send off for their PhD's with a coupon from the back of Homeopathy Today, while we knit hemp bread and listen to the sound of the inner vibrations of quartz crystals.  In the festival closing ceremony, we all dress up as butchered sacrificial chickens for the result of the hotly contested 'most memorable water' competition.  It is truly a thing of beauty.

So, you can imagine my anger when I heard about the hijacking of this centuries old traditional homeopaths' celebration by an aggressive and dangerous gang of skeptical bastards! The audacity of these people to take something that has been sacred to us and our kind for millennia and then subvert it to pursue their own wicked ends is so twisted and evil that it makes me foam at the mouth with each of my four humours.  The first reaction of several of my homeopath friends was to try and find all of these people and nail them to trees them for their lies, but after restraining and repeatedly slapping them for a few hours, I hatched a plan so cunning and ingenious that no-one will ever question homeopathy again, so it will take its rightful place as the only kind of medicine available on any health service anywhere in the world.  But for it to succeed, I need the help of all of the homeopaths in the world!

Join me, my dilute and watery flock!

The plan is simple and fiendishly effective - like selling snake-oil to a bus-load of 'flu-ridden morons.  We will demonstrate the ineffectiveness of modern non-homeopathic 'medicine' by staging a mass, global paracetamol overdose.  All of the worlds homeopaths can gather together in parks around the world this coming Friday and neck about 40-50 of the tablets just after breakfast.  Two hours later we can all have a 'Homeopaths stand up and be counted' photo session for the press.  Can you imagine the looks on the faces of all those non-homeopath 'doctors' as we show the world exactly how useless their quack remedies are?  How we will laugh!  This will teach them to never mock our sacred festivals again, and also should convince the proprietors of large high street chemists to stop stocking these useless and overpriced products.  Maybe even, next year we won't even have the need for a Grumble Tent!

We are the ones who dare to dream!  Join me, and with homeopathy we can make ourselves a remedial world!  Don't let these vile skeptics take our festival away from us!

We will be meeting at Dartford Park at exactly 9.37 this coming Friday morning.  If you want to stage your own smaller demonstration elsewhere, then let me know and I will be sure to disseminate the information for you, particularly if your typing is impaired by your unclipped hooves. 

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