Tuesday, 6 April 2010

Up Yours, Dawkins! Proof of the existence of a designer god

Anyone with a head cannot have failed to have not missed the ongoing argument between lying, thieving, godless, nazi-sympathising, seal-clubbing, kitten-torturing, malignant evolutionary atheists and those of us with the glowing beauty of true faith in our milk-crying hearts.

The continued insistence of the satanic Darwinians for us to come up with the tiniest shred of evidence for what we all know is true has long clouded this debate, but I have finally found the proof of this great theological plum pudding, and it is sweet, sticky and a bargain at only $11,797!

Yes, skeptics, you can take your fossil records of intermediate forms, your plethera of obseved cases of artificial selection, your examples of bad design in nature, your genetic code conserved across all life and your fucking morphological homologies and you can shove them all up your collective atheistic un-enema'd arses, because here is a real spiritual healing instrument that was actually designed BY GOD!

Behold:  The Professional One Force, 50 times the universal invisible spiritual force of the next best instrument designed to promote wellness, emotional centredness and spiritual awakening on the market.

Note the on/off switch and the hand placements of God.  It all fits in a handy briefcase so you can creep about and furtively open it to show to strangers like a spoon thief at Dartford Market.

Now, to the layman, this looks just like any other instrument that will give you a glimpse into your spirit, cleanse yourself of all impurities, revise '10 tons' of errors, resonate with blissful tranquility and wholeness, go into all problem areas on all levels, wash each part of your body, cut your toenails, extract belly button fluff, make your breakfast, press your trousers, perform oral relief and make funeral arrangements for your recently deceased relatives.  All excellent, you will agree, but this goes a step further because God himself (in his workshop in Virginia Beach, VA),  was actively involved in both the design process and the marketing.  Admittedly, going by the site, his spiritual engineering skills may be a bit beyond his web programming, but hey, what do you expect, omnipotence?

So what does this all mean?
Firstly, Paley's watch.  It bloody was God and if Richard Dawkins bothered hanging around for a bit instead of having a go at blind people, he would have probably found the blueprints!
Second, If God can make a half-Angel, half-Will, three quaters-Oneness machine for total spiritual fulfillness, don't you think he could make something as simple, basic and unpleasent as a person, which even two very stupid people can make in a single drunk, bored and dissatisfied rutt against a recycling bin?  Of course he could!  You were designed and made, like a rancid sausage roll in a cockroach infested bakery.  Get over it!
Third, If God wanted us to solve our problems with reason and science, he would have built in more controls than a simple on/off switch and at the very least have provided a graph of how it works.  He didn't. Ipso facto, we shouldn't.
Sleep tight and wait for the day of reckoning, not the day of recombination.

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